dear friends

Dear Friends,

It can take a long time, but the fog can finally clear. It took until midsummer's day for my two little strawberry plants to begin to bear fruit. Likewise, it seems to have taken me well into the season of summer sunshine to feel the light and warmth on my face, and to begin to turn to greet the day with optimism and hope. Words from the poem 'I Am' by John Clare fill my head, but for precisely the opposite feelings in fact, that the poem evokes. I feel I have been somehow distant of late, and I am sorry. It's almost as if friendships, like my strawberries, can only be, and are only ever meant to be, few and far between - that the joy that they bring would be diluted if I filled all my days with such happiness. As if friendship for me is an undeserved indulgence. What have I been doing in the meantime; during my time of distance? Nothing. Rather than share and walk and drink the air, I have preferred to hide inside. I uncritically swallowed hook-line-and-sinker the irrational notion that: the time I have is far too short to do anything; the pressures of work are too much and have squeezed out any other possibilities in my 'free time'; I can't change my routine; making an effort to do almost any task will leave me exhausted; and my aim for each day is just to get through to the stage where I am able to lie abed and rest, although I have rarely reached that goal. I haven't felt like talking in the evenings, leaving the telephone to ring-off, unanswered. But it doesn't have to be this way. In these months I realise I have come to love my friends even more, because, even though it has been unsaid (if I could tell you I would let you know), my friends are still persevering with me. And so, I thank you all for your unaware gentle patience. This I cherish. Friendship, like joy, is a gift from God, and I am over-joyed that, like fire, friendship and joy when shared aren't diluted and diminished in those who are sharing. I pray I can bring you fruit too. Take good care friends. Yours, as ever, in Friendship, Peace & Light, with much love from Simon ;o)] XXX